A few years ago I was in an on-again, off-again relationship with my ex-fiance, but I can honestly say that I was not in a true relationship with myself.
This was a period of my life where I was cut off from my sexuality and orgasm and I knew there was more. I NEEDED more. Craved more.
I remember one night where we had pretty shallow, quick sex together. I felt like a body being masturbated into and it seemed like it only lasted a few minutes. This was the norm for us.
After we finished and he rolled over and went to sleep, I started to cry. I felt frustrated, used and depleted. I was angry and hurt.
Even though I was cut off from my sexuality I wanted so badly to have an orgasm. I was the queen of quick, nightly clitoral orgasms to help me sleep, but could never have one with him.
Somehow I’d managed to get a taste of what I now know is my sexual energy (through arousal/turn on), which I felt swelling as usual in my clitoris. I needed release so I snuck off to the bathroom to masturbate really quick.
In that moment I needed to let go. But underneath that superficial need to just let go and “come” was a secret need to be really fucked.
And I don’t just mean getting fucked in the sense of sex. Cock in pussy. Yes, very much that, but deeper than that I wanted to be what I call “REALLY FUCKED.” I call it being CORE FUCKED.
Being core fucked to me is when I feel like the core of WHO I am as a woman is being fucked and made love to. My body, mind, heart, soul, being and sexual energy. ALL OF ME.
To the highest heights and deepest depths of ME. All of it being fucked so deeply and beautifully with penetrative presence.
When I’m really fucked…CORE fucked…I feel seen, heard, held, witnessed and taken to that place of trust, ecstasy, love and surrender. Emotions can be expressed. Pleasure can be expressed. Love can be expressed. Everything.
I feel like I’m home, complete, whole. And yes, in this moment I remember that I always was and always am.
Now that I’m very well versed on my own sexual pleasure, orgasm and needs when it comes to sex with myself and with a man, I understand that women require safety and trust in order to orgasm with a partner, especially vaginally.
I didn’t have that with my ex, but I also didn’t have it with myself when I was with him. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t feel safe with myself – so how could I with him?
When he and I had sex, my core was never “really fucked”. Nor was I core fucking myself. Are you sensing a theme here?…
Trust me, if you ever lie awake at night and wonder when you’ll get to have the great sex you’ve been dreaming about and you’re secretly craving more, I feel you.
If you ever find yourself hurt, angry and frustrated with your partner after they finish and then roll over, completely ignoring you afterwards, I totally feel you.
If you ever find yourself wanting to scream “WILL YOU JUST REALLY FUCK ME??!!” in their face as you’re having sex and it seems like they’re not even present with you, I so feel you on that too.
But here’s the thing, lover.
In order to have the sex and pleasure you want to have, it all starts with you.
In order to become multi, highly and whole body orgasmic, you have to be willing to go there with yourself first.
If you’re secretly wanting to be really fucked and I mean REALLY FUCKED — to the DEEP CORE of WHO you are as a body, soul, heart, mind, woman, being, etc. — then you have to be willing to fuck yourself into that depth. To make love to yourself like the goddess and queen you are.
To fuck your own core. And fuck it really good.
If you want to feel seen, heard, held, witnessed and taken to that place of trust, ecstasy, love and surrender, then you have to be willing to…
A) Take yourself there first
and
B) ALLOW your partner to take you there
I don’t blame my ex for the lack of great sex and love. I don’t blame myself either. We were both doing the best we could with our own sexual shame, trauma, beliefs, etc. around love, sex, intimacy and orgasm at that time.
The reason I’m sharing this with you is because the other night my current partner and I were making love and he was really fucking me — the way I’ve always wanted and I’ve very rarely felt any other way with him.
THIS experience is the norm for us, whether we have longer, slower sex or a quickie or anything in between.
I felt like my core was being fucked and it was very emotional for me. In fact, core fucking will send you into shivers of deep bliss and emotional release. Of spiritual and erotic union.
You’ll feel entranced like you could giggle, cry or scream with rage or have a deep orgasm and it will ALL feel orgasmic.
But, the key here is that I was ALLOWING him to really fuck me. I was opening my heart and legs to him. I was pulling him in deeper. I was embracing all sides of myself and all sides of him during our sexual experience.
I was surrendering to myself AND to him.
This is because I’ve spent the past few years (and will continue to be) in a deep sexual relationship with MYSELF. In other words, I’ve been really core fucking myself.
If you want your lover to really fuck you and make love to you on all levels, then you’ll have to really fuck and make love to yourself on all levels.
SEE yourself.
Feel SAFE within yourself.
You’ll have to take yourself to the deepest depths of your sexual core as a woman.
If you don’t take yourself there, then you will unconsciously choose (or choose to stay with) a partner that simply can’t or won’t take you there. And you’ll secretly long to be really fucked while feeling frustrated, empty, sad and alone.
I don’t want that for you. I know that feeling all too well and as I like to say (because it’s true), who you are in the bedroom is who you are in life.
So do you choose to remain secretly wanting the sex life of your dreams, whether you’re single or partnered?
Or do you choose to both really fuck yourself and then ALLOW another to really fuck you too?
By the way, I strategically used the word fuck, because to me it acts like a wake up call and I like the word personally. When I was in my most frustrated states, it was all I could think about. “Will you just FUCK ME?! Like really fuck me?!”
I was always seething inside and guess what? I internalized that anger, because who I was really angry at was ME.
I was angry at myself for not asking for what I wanted and needed, but most importantly, for not giving it to myself.
Fucking to me is something beautiful and divine, whatever you want to call it, but if there’s any part of you inside right now that is secretly craving this CORE FUCKING to your deepest depths and highest heights, then please start by cultivating that within yourself first.
I’ll be sharing so many delicious resources with you over the coming weeks and you can always peruse my site www.amberleitz.com for videos, podcasts, articles etc. to get your sexual juices flowing, both literally and metaphorically.
I love you.
Now an invitation for you to go deeper:
- Have you ever been “core fucked” before?
- What did that experience change in you as a woman?
- Have you been secretly longing for this?
- What holds you back from allowing your core to be deeply fucked (by yourself and your lover)?
Come play with me on Instagram where I share tons of juicy tips, practices and musings on sacred sexuality, eroticism and sensuality or join my private Facebook group for women. We are 1400+ women and growing!
xx
Amber
P.S. I have a brand new FREE Orgasmic Pleasure Breathwork Practice for Women that you can use daily for deep sexual healing, cultivating sexual energy and expanding your erotic pleasure for whole body orgasms!! To download this transformational practice, sign up here!